I received an extremely wonderful letter and card from the Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation,  who were not only pleased by the kind donation sent to them by some kind  lovely folks but intrigued as some wrote about Benny’s fantastic talent and life!  Although going through traumatic grieving, they suggested I write about Benny, my guitar man for their Lasting Tribute page! They specifically asked for many photos – as a photo relays a thousand words… so here goes!

Thus, inspired by my beloved Benny, this lasting tribute is being made so that his personality and achievements are not lost, his diversity and ability to adjust to a new life in a new country, despite adversity for posterity! …….Blimey!! I've never used such words nor rhyme before! -  I thought it would be more poignant to remember the man I loved and married on what would have been our 50th Wedding Anniversary on 28th August 2022 even though just 11 months have gone by.

Losing my beloved husband, an astute, kind, talented man, translates into a loss of my usual daily life, intimacy, sharing memories, debating current issues, listening to our favourite music and a total upending of a future planned together.  We had been together for 57 years! I met him when I was 14 and he was 16 - we were childhood sweethearts. 

Although different in many ways, we were attuned to each other and I had great love and admiration for him from the first time I laid eyes on his handsome face plus the way he had a unique talent for making the guitar talk to me!! Though in our teens and blissfully innocent at that tender age like many of that era, I also had immense trust and respect for him.  I knew there was something special about the quiet deep-thinking young man who was focused on making a good life for us which for some reason I can’t explain, created in me a wonderful feeling about our relationship. As long as we were together, little else really mattered.  

Don’t get me wrong. We had many a disagreement and arguments but then which marriage that spanned over 49 years and a courtship of 57 years does not?? We always enjoyed a host of things together. We loved socialising, sharing our genre of music, especially the 60's stuff and reminiscing about our travels, people we met, and lots more! Something special which I now realise I had all along and sadly became complacent in just taking it for granted.

Benjamin (Benny) Mascarenhas was born in Nairobi Kenya on 31st March 1948. His parents Joaquim and Maggie Mascarenhas came from Goa, India and lived in Kenya with their 9 children. His father worked for the British Government in Kenya and after a long service was awarded the MBE for services to the British Empire (see photo with medal in the Gallery) and this was instilled a strong work ethic when bringing up their children, including Benny.

As the family moved to Mombasa, he completed his education and in 1965 graduated with a Secondary High School, Cambridge ‘O’ Level from the Goan Sacred Heart High School.

Whilst still at school Benny took a keen interest in music and taught himself to play the guitar, at the tender age of 13 he built himself an electric guitar, shaping the wood like a world renowned Fender Guitar to play like his idol Hank Marvin of The Shadows, whom in later years he was elated to meet in 1993 in the UK.

Benny set up his own band, The Shiftars and emulated the sound of The Shadows (he was extremely proud of this!), besides adapting other contemporary music to the sound of the guitar, his band was very popular in Kenya and were the resident band of the top hotels in Mombasa whilst still holding down a good day job, in Accounting. Benny’s  first love was always music and his beloved guitar followed by his dedication to work ethics.

A link to the story I wrote about the band for those interested: https://www.headlinesofmylife.today/2021/09/the-shiftars-rip-benny-mascarenhas.html

Benny achieved his dream of meeting and befriending his idols Hank Marvin and other members of the Shadows, we became part of their social group from 1991 to 2002, maintaining personal friendships, besides meeting them every time they held their annual conventions or gatherings.  

After Kenya’s independence, Benny decided to come to the UK to join and marry me and we married on 28th August 1972 and this year 2022 would have a truly remarkable achievement of our marriage! It breaks my heart that we cannot now celebrate especially as we had big plans!

His first job in 1970 was as a bookkeeper at Horizon Holidays. After we married, he studied part-time and passed professional Qualifications and then started working as a Syndicate Accountant, then Manager for Lloyd’s of London, (not Lloyds Bank!)   from 1973 till his retirement in 2009 - his 61st birthday. Benny loved his job and was very dedicated, ensuring all relevant legislation and details were adhered to often working late sometimes till 3am, he would have loved to continue with his music but had to provide a secure life for us both. Though genetically slim like his father, he was very active. He dealt with all aspects of our Investments, finance, home improvements and generally maintaining a good solid home and future for us.

He was also very much a community and social man, he held many posts including President of our Saligao Community Club, actively contributing to social activities to foster the community for unity and social activities. Benny was a quiet and reserved man but very determined and very much a family man too, who helped both our families anyway he could; connecting and participating in family gatherings as well as providing support for members who had migrated to the UK.

Children of friends would often call to seek his objective and straightforward advice and he mentored many young folk in their careers, who today are bereft at his loss and wrote some very touching emails and letters to me which confirm he made a difference in their lives.

From 1973/74, with other classmates, Benny arranged reunions of classmates with those resident here as well as every time those from abroad visited - till Covid struck! I have shared some old photos of classmates and reunions in the Gallery, but sadly so many have passed away and I hope I will be forgiven for posting these iconic pictures!

Benny loved travelling and we did have the opportunity to visit many countries and tour places. Far too many pictures to post but so glad we covered the places of interest to us, especially Memphis and Graceland, most of the USA, Canada, Far East, Middle East, India and parts of Africa, including Hawaii and Fiji (he loved exotic!) and of course the Med & Caribbean on 8 cruises! Many of our fellow travellers became lifelong friends. We had plans to visit many more places on our bucket list! After Covid especially to celebrate our 50th Anniversary!

I would like to share with you some photos and a representation of his music prowess, some are replicated from the funeral memorial booklet but this is for others who have not seen them.  Over the years, Benny’s band The Shiftars had a few reunions in Toronto and Edmonton, Canada, where 3 other members of the band reside and we were hoping to catch up with them and other friends again after covid restrictions were lifted. 

Also in 1970 after arriving in the UK, Benny with Denzil Sequeira, Derrick Sequeira (both sons of Jock Sequeira – Mombasa) Julian Desmeir, and Benny's brother Jojo on drums, formed The Hombre and played at various cricket club and local functions as well as for the Goan December 31st dance at Porchester Hall in London.
 
Most of the music they played were from the popular 70's genre of music which included Santana and other popular hits of the time as well as some good dancing music. Benny was pretty excited to hear the tape I had done, then converted to a disc for one of his birthdays, of when they were playing though the sound was not good as it was recorded on a small tape recorder at the time and efforts were to be made to improve it but did not come to fruition sadly.

This is the most painful poignant tribute from his bandmates on his demise.

Thank you, Celia, for asking us, his brothers, to contribute to Benny's booklet.

There are no words to express our sorrow and deep sadness at our brother's passing.   As members of The Shiftars, our brotherhood spanned 57 years. For us, we relied on Benny, while in his teens, for true leadership, incredible creativity in designing our clothing, and unique approaches to obtaining equipment basically with no budget.  He exercised financial diligence, honesty and integrity in making sure all debts were paid off in full.  Polly is especially thankful for Benny’s patience in helping him and for giving him the opportunity to be part of the band with him, Rudi and Dominic and also the late Victor as the manager. 

As a gifted and talented musician, he instilled in us the need for perfection in our music and would not settle for anything less, an amazing feat for members with basically no formal music training.  His attention to detail inspired in us a mantra to practice, practice, and practice until we had it right. Benny was disciplined, focused and had vision. He believed in group consultation and consensus in decisions regarding the band. The camaraderie continued in two continents with informal and formal reunions which were inclusive of families and friends.

The band’s favourite closing number was "Visions" beautifully sung by Dominic. The closing line, from now on, will not be "when will we meet again" but will be changed to "when we meet again" and we know with certainty that we will. Benny and Celia, our very own “two peas in the pod’, thank you for the wonderful memories that we will always treasure. Now when we listen to our music, it will be impossible not to think of you Benny and reminisce.

Benny, always in our hearts, we will miss you.

A tribute from Denzy, guitarist with The Hombre

Benny and I go back some 50 years since we came to the UK.   I will always remember the fun times we had together playing in The Hombre. In particular his infectious chuckle was most endearing.  As I have said previously, I still admire his innate talent to replicate guitar solos exactly like the original in all the songs we played. Only yesterday I was reminded of the many Santana Songs Benny played faultlessly in Hombre.

We spent a special time together in our youth sharing our love of the guitar. My best wishes during this very difficult and challenging times.

It’s these touching words from his band mates, who despite the distance, are very supportive, and the condolences, tributes and comments, and daily/weekly connections received from valuable good friends and some family, that have been a balm to my aching heart and helped me cope.

I feel I need to speak about my grief sincerely & heartbreakingly, and hope this will resonate with those who have loved deeply & lost a loved one, especially to Cancer. It’s also therapeutic for me to “let it flow“, so that folks to whom I send the link will understand me better. 

As I’ve been told many times - “It’s my grief and I’ll cry if I want to!, cry if I want to!!  You’d cry too if it happened to you!“ like the iconic song! His death was traumatic to say the least!  However, I won’t dwell on that. I'm sure everyone who has gone through the stage of losing a loved one struggles with their tragic loss - especially a spouse whose intimacy cannot be replicated with the years shared. It is worse now than it was right after his death, after hearing others stories at bereavement groups it has validated the feelings I have had. I am still so numb, have anxiety attacks being alone and feel that everything is falling around my ears!

Organising his funeral did justice to his talent and the man he was, as for the first time in a Catholic church, had echo’s of his music of The Shadows -thanks to my priest Fr. Ray. The last time I heard his voice was a recording of his rendition of “Strangers in the Night” (which incidentally was our song) during his final journey at the crematorium.  My heart broke into a million pieces.

Seeing a photo, or hearing a piece of music, especially his, or a simple memory can trigger a wave of very painful emotions and the pain seems unimaginable, ending in a flood of tears!!  Sometimes I am amazed how I can smile and do things, albeit without a heart. I can be amongst company and not really be there. I am not “the me” I used to be. It's strange and surreal too. I lash out in anger and frustration, then regret it but cannot take the words back. 

I do not want to compare my sorrow but how do I explain it?? Pain comes from your heart, it doesn't stop even if you say, be sensible, stop crying, stop moaning because it comes from emotion not controlled by a logical brain.

Maybe it’s because I'm alone, and sometimes lonelier when I'm with others – I simply can’t compute or comprehend this experience! It feels like my entire right side is missing (like a stroke or paralysed) - everyone says it's grieving and it will take time but the pain is unbearable but I have to believe that time is indeed a healer... at least I hope so and pray!  

I know I am not the only one suffering but it feels like it, hence why I am sharing this in the tribute post. It is only adrenalin that has kept me going and the solid support from various good, kind friends and family, as well as institutions like The Roy Castle team, especially Esme and Anne.  I will always be indebted to them.

Please know that it is not even a year since that fateful day on 24th September 2021, but this Lasting Memory tribute is because it would have been our 50th Wedding anniversary on August 28th and I have decided to make a special additional donation to commemorate it. 

Watching our 25th anniversary video was painful as it features Benny twanging on his Fender Strat "The Next Time" saying “this is for Cecilia” and ending with the quip ...”that's all folks the next time will be our 50th!”  What can I say or add to that??

I hope by posting this, some of you will “celebrate his life” in reminiscing about the friendship you had with us both, by adding your memory of him to the page by clicking 'Contribute' and hopefully donating to this worthy cause. Please also take some time to look through just a few of our treasured memories by clicking 'Visit the Galleries' and add your own photos too.

Thank you very much – I hope you will appreciate that this has been done in good faith and in donating, will help create awareness of the Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation.

Bless and love or my favourite phrase “Mingi mog”!
Cecilia.